I was sitting in english class, listening to my teacher talk about the essay test we're going to take on monday. I asked what cynical meant, because it was in one of the questions on the practice test questions. She answers me, giving me the definition in her words,
"Cynical is a doubt in something. For example, being cynical about love. You have to experience something bad to become cynical about a certain thing."
I thought about what she said all day. So once i got home, i looked it up. And the definition says,
"Distrusting the motives of others."
Ive become cynical about relationships. I'm not mad. I wont get what i deserve and i'm accepting it. My forgiveness was taken advantage of way too many times. Denial is the last thing i'm in. I am insecure, i'm jealous, and i am attached. I like bein taken care of. I try my best. Ive perfected the skill of tryng, over & over again. And thats all i can really give you. Consideration, appreciation, admiration. I thought you'd prove me wrong the first time, but i got my hopes up. I'm vulnerable, but i'm not stupid. I know you try, i know you care, and i know you love me. Its time for me to strengthen my heart. Give you your space, and let you breathe finally. Days, months, years ive counted. But now i'm lookin at quality, not quantity. So i'm ready. Youre my bestfriend. I'm not mad at you. I never have been. All i really wanted was for you to treat me better, "even just a little bit".
This isnt a divorce, its just a seperation. Til you finally understand and appreciate me.
